I've dreaded this more than so many stages of parenting. More than the "terrible twos." More than sleep training. More than nursing. More than labor and delivery.
Potty training.
If I could I would send my girls to kindergarten in diapers and let that sweet teacher potty train them.
If I had lots of money and/or wasn't married to Dave Ramsey Jr., I would hire someone to come do this.
She is ready.
I am not.
But it is time.
So feel free to share any of your tips with me. Grin.
May 21, 2013
May 13, 2013
Would love for you to come to my house
This summer I'm SO excited to lead a women's Bible study through our church, Bayou City Fellowship but not just for Bayou City Fellowship church members (all are welcome!).
What? The topic is Having Healthy Friendships with Women. We will discuss a range of topics: gossip, envy, trust, forgiveness, support and more! There is no homework or book. Just you, your Bible and you'll get some optional application challenges. And, of course, there will be dessert and coffee!
Why? NOT because I have had perfectly healthy friendships with women. But more because I've made such a mess of friendships in the past. And am fighting for healthy friendship in the present and future... just like many of you! Friendships with women can be complicated. But, when done well, is so beautiful, refreshing, challenging and fun! I want us all to get to that place in our current relationships and with the new ones that will come.
When? Tuesdays at 7pm starting June 11 and going through July 9.
Where? My house (in the Katy area, just off I-10). Email me for directions.
If you are interested, have questions or would like to sign up to come, please email me at beckyjkiser@gmail.com.
Also, if you are wanting to participate in a Bible or book study this summer, and this topic or location doesn't work for you, check out the other fabulous studies going on: Bayou City Fellowship Summer Women's Studies.
What? The topic is Having Healthy Friendships with Women. We will discuss a range of topics: gossip, envy, trust, forgiveness, support and more! There is no homework or book. Just you, your Bible and you'll get some optional application challenges. And, of course, there will be dessert and coffee!
Why? NOT because I have had perfectly healthy friendships with women. But more because I've made such a mess of friendships in the past. And am fighting for healthy friendship in the present and future... just like many of you! Friendships with women can be complicated. But, when done well, is so beautiful, refreshing, challenging and fun! I want us all to get to that place in our current relationships and with the new ones that will come.
When? Tuesdays at 7pm starting June 11 and going through July 9.
Where? My house (in the Katy area, just off I-10). Email me for directions.
If you are interested, have questions or would like to sign up to come, please email me at beckyjkiser@gmail.com.
Also, if you are wanting to participate in a Bible or book study this summer, and this topic or location doesn't work for you, check out the other fabulous studies going on: Bayou City Fellowship Summer Women's Studies.
April 25, 2013
Review: Starting The Plan (Part 1)
Let me start this off by saying I hate diets. I especially hate "lifestyle changes" (which is a word people use now so they don't have to say they are on a diet).
I hate the culture we've made in our society of having this perfect body. I hate the burden it has placed on so many, especially women. I hate that magazine covers and movie stars give us this pretense that every woman is supposed to be a size 2 (or if it's an off week, size 4) and wear 8 inch heels and full out hair and make up.
But I want to be healthy. I really do.
I have struggled with my health for as long as I can remember.
I say health and not weight, because weight hasn't always been the struggle. There was a time I could comfortably wear a size 2 in high school and my health was way messed up. Because I would have a Slim Fast for breakfast (so my tummy wouldn't growl at school), I'd skip lunch and eat dinner with my family (so they wouldn't think anything was up) all while sneaking the max amount of diet pills. I was 110lbs (which is way too low for me) and unhealthy.
I say health and not weight, because there was a time after a bad relationship, life uncertain, health issues unending that I let myself go and reached 188lbs (which is too much for me). But more than that, I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I hated shopping because most stores didn't carry my size. I covered myself up in baggy clothes and tried to fade in by not fixing myself up. I was tired, I was insecure, I was bitter, I was frustrated with myself. And that's not me.
I have floated between those two numbers for the past decade and a half.
I have tried all those diets I said I hated. Some work for a bit. Some for a while. But they still weren't right for me. Or I couldn't hang, I don't know. The whole diet of it all felt constricting and unnatural.
I didn't want to be on a diet the rest of my life.
I feel like there should be freedom with food. Discipline and purpose, but freedom.
A few months ago a friend told me about a program she did with a holistic nutritionist, Lyn-Genet Recitas, based out of New York City. She told me how her health has never been better (she has had some similar health issues as me), her energy never so high, her mind never so clear and her weight hadn't been this low since high school (bonus)... all that with eating real food and about 2,000 calories a day.
She had my interest.
Turns out her nutritionist had since written a book, The Plan, that describes a lot of what the program is about. It's a compilation of what she has learned in the 30+ years of nutritional counseling she has done.
I downloaded the book that night and had finished it in 2 days (with a newborn). I say that to show how much I connected with the book. I would read story after story and say, "That's me!" or "Someone gets it!" or "Could that be the reason for ______?"
I can't describe it that well yet. But the gist of The Plan is this: We have to toss out the commonly accepted (and reasonable) method of calorie in/calorie out. Because you could lose weight on diet coke and snickers but it's not best for your body, for your health. And your results would be less and way slower than if you found out what worked best for your body. According to Lyn-Genet our bodies have different inflammatory responses to food. This will affect how you feel, what you weight, your health, etc. It is essential to health and weight loss to identify what those are.
For example the handful of people that I've know that have done The Plan had inflammatory reactions to: beef, eggs, cheese, walnuts, wheat (not all of them each person had one of these plus some not listed). Even when they were eating healthy versions of these foods they would gain weight. As soon as they switched to a different alternative the weight came off and their health bounced back!
It's a little weird. Like you have to hear it to believe. Or experience it to believe it. And I wanted to.
So a few days later I talked to my friend and told her I wanted to do The Plan. You can do it yourself with the book or you can do it along side Lyn-Genet or one of their other fabulous nutritionists.
So I signed up. I am currently starting day 6 and y'all I love it!
This was my dinner last night:
Seriously, how delicious does that look? Sautéed onions, zucchini and chicken in a lemon, garlic and olive oil sauce with fresh basil. Romaine salad with radicchio, carrots, pumpkin & sunflower seeds, italian seasoning and a lemon & olive oil dressing. Then for dessert you get a glass of red wine and 1 oz of dark chocolate! Are you kidding me?!
The first 3 days is detox. There were moments during that that I wanted to quit. That I thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" This is stupid. And then the detox symptoms went away. And I get why I'm doing this.
I have already lost some weight. The number really doesn't matter because it's not about that for me. I'm in this to learn what's best for my body and feel better.
Some of the things I've loved about The Plan so far are:
*Clarity of mind
*Energy
*Eduction (best part of doing The Plan along side one of their nutritionists- it allows you do ask a million questions a day)
*Confidence in what's best for me (as opposed to just follow a general program for all)
*Empowerment in the kitchen (I'm not a cook)
*coffee, red wine & chocolate are all included :)
*And, yes, weight loss
And that all happened in 5 days.
Some links if you are interested:
I hate the culture we've made in our society of having this perfect body. I hate the burden it has placed on so many, especially women. I hate that magazine covers and movie stars give us this pretense that every woman is supposed to be a size 2 (or if it's an off week, size 4) and wear 8 inch heels and full out hair and make up.
But I want to be healthy. I really do.
I have struggled with my health for as long as I can remember.
I say health and not weight, because weight hasn't always been the struggle. There was a time I could comfortably wear a size 2 in high school and my health was way messed up. Because I would have a Slim Fast for breakfast (so my tummy wouldn't growl at school), I'd skip lunch and eat dinner with my family (so they wouldn't think anything was up) all while sneaking the max amount of diet pills. I was 110lbs (which is way too low for me) and unhealthy.
I say health and not weight, because there was a time after a bad relationship, life uncertain, health issues unending that I let myself go and reached 188lbs (which is too much for me). But more than that, I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I hated shopping because most stores didn't carry my size. I covered myself up in baggy clothes and tried to fade in by not fixing myself up. I was tired, I was insecure, I was bitter, I was frustrated with myself. And that's not me.
I have floated between those two numbers for the past decade and a half.
I have tried all those diets I said I hated. Some work for a bit. Some for a while. But they still weren't right for me. Or I couldn't hang, I don't know. The whole diet of it all felt constricting and unnatural.
I didn't want to be on a diet the rest of my life.
I feel like there should be freedom with food. Discipline and purpose, but freedom.
A few months ago a friend told me about a program she did with a holistic nutritionist, Lyn-Genet Recitas, based out of New York City. She told me how her health has never been better (she has had some similar health issues as me), her energy never so high, her mind never so clear and her weight hadn't been this low since high school (bonus)... all that with eating real food and about 2,000 calories a day.
She had my interest.
Turns out her nutritionist had since written a book, The Plan, that describes a lot of what the program is about. It's a compilation of what she has learned in the 30+ years of nutritional counseling she has done.
I downloaded the book that night and had finished it in 2 days (with a newborn). I say that to show how much I connected with the book. I would read story after story and say, "That's me!" or "Someone gets it!" or "Could that be the reason for ______?"
For example the handful of people that I've know that have done The Plan had inflammatory reactions to: beef, eggs, cheese, walnuts, wheat (not all of them each person had one of these plus some not listed). Even when they were eating healthy versions of these foods they would gain weight. As soon as they switched to a different alternative the weight came off and their health bounced back!
It's a little weird. Like you have to hear it to believe. Or experience it to believe it. And I wanted to.
So a few days later I talked to my friend and told her I wanted to do The Plan. You can do it yourself with the book or you can do it along side Lyn-Genet or one of their other fabulous nutritionists.
So I signed up. I am currently starting day 6 and y'all I love it!
This was my dinner last night:
Seriously, how delicious does that look? Sautéed onions, zucchini and chicken in a lemon, garlic and olive oil sauce with fresh basil. Romaine salad with radicchio, carrots, pumpkin & sunflower seeds, italian seasoning and a lemon & olive oil dressing. Then for dessert you get a glass of red wine and 1 oz of dark chocolate! Are you kidding me?!
The first 3 days is detox. There were moments during that that I wanted to quit. That I thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" This is stupid. And then the detox symptoms went away. And I get why I'm doing this.
I have already lost some weight. The number really doesn't matter because it's not about that for me. I'm in this to learn what's best for my body and feel better.
Some of the things I've loved about The Plan so far are:
*Clarity of mind
*Energy
*Eduction (best part of doing The Plan along side one of their nutritionists- it allows you do ask a million questions a day)
*Confidence in what's best for me (as opposed to just follow a general program for all)
*Empowerment in the kitchen (I'm not a cook)
*coffee, red wine & chocolate are all included :)
*And, yes, weight loss
And that all happened in 5 days.
Some links if you are interested:
Lyn-Genet and The Plan's website: Click here.
See The Plan on Amazon: Click here.
Facebook page: Click here.
Twitter: Click here.
Coming in 25 days: "Review: 30 Days of The Plan (Part 2)"
Note: Because I always want to have full disclosure on my blog, I did receive a discount in the fees in exchange for writing a review on my blog. The agreement, however, is that I will write an honest review. So I am not paid off to say good things. I would NEVER give a positive endorsement on this blog unless it was genuine. That is a condition I have set for any reviews I've done or will do on this blog. They know up front that I will share the bad stuff too, if it is honestly there to share.
April 24, 2013
An Unexpected Surprise
Prepare yourself for the world's longest blog post. You can read the details. Or if pressed for time, skip to the end in bold for the main point.
Crazy to think that it's been an entire year since we moved our family to join a new family at Bayou City Fellowship.
Chris and I laugh still each week as we pull out of the parking lot on Sundays when we think about how ridiculous we were to fight the move. Let's be honest, how ridiculous I was to fight the move because my wise and unemotional hubby knew long before I did.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
So to look back now, with clear vision, it makes me grin from ear to ear knowing we really did what was best for our family.
It is always scary to walk away from something you know and something that is comfortable, a home of sorts. It is scary to walk towards something not knowing your place or what exactly it will look like. It's scary because it requires total faith in God (a hard thing for this control freak).
Where we were before wasn't a bad place. But we allowed ourselves to get too comfy on that old, worn in sofa, so to speak. That when we were asked to get up, it was impossible. All I wanted to do was pull that blanket in tighter and watch just one more show. Have just one more conversation. Finish my cup of coffee of was sipping.
I didn't want to get up just yet. I was secure. I was comfortable. I was content. I was known. And, I was busy (which this doer loves very much). What I feared was getting up without knowing where we were going, who would be there and what we would do.
But we knew it was the best move for our family, so we went.
And it was this weird mix of giddy first date butterflies and awkward silence for a few months.
We knew a few people, but not a lot. We were so used to being at church all day Sundays, small groups, Wed nights, Bible studies during the week, playgroup, girls nights, guys nights, etc. We almost didn't know what to do with ourselves. Ok, let's be honest again. I didn't know what to do. Chris, being a true introvert, loved our less busy lives.
We hadn't realized how we (not our church) had let church become that social club we always said we didn't want church to be. We were up there and around those same people all the time. And in so many ways this was good. And in so many ways this wasn't healthy.
And it was time for things to shift. It was needed. We wanted more out our life.
And now, a full year later, I look back on the past year and can't help but to smile and want to sob tears of joy. For so many reasons, that I will share with words that couldn't possibly give justice to the reality and in no particular order:
*Thankful the church is about Jesus. This may sound really stupid or overspiritual. And I can remember the first time I asked a friend at BCF what BCF was about and she said, "It's about Jesus." And I gave her that look that says, "Come on. No really. Don't give me a spiritual answer. What's it about?" And we laugh about it now, because it really is the best answer. It's not about numbers or lights or big names or this board or that leader or this theological stance or that _____. Everything comes back to Jesus. Does this honor Him? Does this bring Him glory? Does this cause us to connect with him? Does He want us to do this?
*Thankful for a pastor, Curtis Jones, who leads with such humility, preaches with such passion, shares so vulnerably, relates to all so naturally, and is approachable. I have never heard anyone preach with such conviction, truth and authenticity. I can't take notes fast enough. Some days I don't even try and just soak it in. And every single Sunday Chris and I are challenged to do something.
*Thankful to be a part of something unique. I love that BCF really isn't trying to be like anyone else. In fact, it appears that nothing is done just to do it. Everything is questioned. If it doesn't make sense, we don't do it just to do it. If it seems like it would be beneficial, it's done, even if it is a risk. The best example was this past Sunday when our pastor preached on money and he had the audacity to give people permission to not give if it was given out of obligation and not faith. He said he'd rather our church have a small pot that is full of faith of what God can do, than a big pot that is out of obligation. And he preached the sermon on money after he switched things up and did the offering at the beginning of the service so there would be no pressure to give that Sunday.
*Thankful for the people. This part makes me want to sob. Like ugly cry sob. Because really it's one of the most unique things about BCF. I feel like each person I meet, I want to be their BFF (if I was still looking for a BFF at 31). The people are warm, kind and welcoming. They want to know more about you than where you got your dress from (although this question is still asked). When you ask, "How are you?" you can expect an honest answer. Connecting with Jesus, living for Him, serving our city and living with such purpose is a core value of everyone that attends BCF. It's not a place you can sit and be comfortable. And that creates an authentic community among the people. We really are a family.
*Thankful for worship (the musical part of the service). What gets me most is the heart of this time. There is nothing performance about it. It is a raw time of creative expression as a community. It is one of my favorite moments of my week. There are all different styles in the room and on the stage. But one very clear purpose: we aren't here to sound pretty, we are hear to singing praises to God. We are challenged to go for it in our spirits. And it's more than just songs. It's not unusual to read the Word out loud as a group. It's not unusual for Micah, our worship pastor, to say, "What is God asking you to lay down to connect with Him?" And then he allows there to be a long awkward silence that forces you to answer. Worship is open to however we can worship God.
*Thankful for community groups. Instead of the traditional model of Sunday School we meet in homes during the week. It's broken up by what area and time is best for you. So instead of our primary community being people that are exactly like us, we have a community that looks like, well, a community: singles, young married without kids, young married with kids, older married with older kids, older married with kids gone, divorced, widowed,... you name it. What is so pure about this is our common thread is no longer our life stage, but our life purpose. We all have Jesus in common. It is amazing to have discussion where the framework you are working from is how can I grow as a believer. Not how can I grow as a believer who is married/single/older/etc. This has definitely made it harder to connect with people at the same stage in life as us, but not at all impossible. And half of the time is spent having a meal together. There is a real opportunity to connect... and enjoy some yummy food!
*Thankful for an amazing women's ministry. For anyone that knew me before BCF, you know this was the hardest thing to walk away from at our old church. Women's ministry is a great passion of mine. So not knowing how that would play out in a church that isn't programs based and has some amazing leaders in women's ministry already there, left me apprehensive (my insecurity, not saying it was healthy, just being honest). But that was part of where God was calling me in to step out in faith. Crista, the women's minister, has become one of my favorite people. She has allowed me to come right along side her to learn, to work, to pray, to lead, to teach, to talk and to laugh... a lot. Her authenticity and unapologetic pursuit of Christ has laid an amazing foundation for the women at our church.
*Thankful for the insanely amazing BCF Littles ministry. I leave our girls without hesitation on Sundays. I know that they are not only loved to the max but they are taught intentional truth. I've known Cassi, the children's pastor, for many years and there is no one else I'd rather have leading our kids.
*Thankful for how intent our church is to do something that will make a difference in Jesus name. From bringing awareness to and fighting against human trafficking. To sharing and challenging about orphan care. To really reaching out to our immediate community behind a donation of time and things here and there, but really investing. It has inspired us as a family to be bold in what we do and how we connect.
*Thankful for the strong and genuine emphasis on prayer. It's not just something that we do because we should as Christians and it's what you do at church. Prayer is foundational and continual. Chris and I have been challenged so much to pray with such belief. And it's one place that we've found we love serving together too. They have many come to the front at the end of each service to pray for anyone about anything. It has been such an honor get to love our church family by praying for and with them.
*And, last but not least, thankful for the coffee... still. For some reason the last time I shared about BCF and what we loved about it I talked about the coffee and many of you found that funny. I'm proud to say that my church still serves awesome, doesn't-taste-like-church-coffee-at-all coffee. And once a month Chris and I get to serve on the coffee team and help make and serve it and greet all the other caffeine junkies.
So this was officially the world's longest post. Clearly only a few are left reading. More than anything this was a record for our family, but for those who stayed I am thankful you heard this too.
The main lesson I took away from this journey to BCF is:
And for anyone who is in Houston and looking for a church home or just curious about trying church, you are more than welcome to join us any time! We attend the 5pm service and you are more than welcome to sit with us. Just shoot me an email and we will save you a seat.
And, because I'm an insecure person and want to make sure nothing is taking out of intent, everything I said is about my church and what is happening there. NONE of it is a slant to other churches I've been to or heard about. We are all in this together. This isn't a competition of this place is better. I'm just sharing what I love about my church.
If you missed the journey in us moving to BCF, check out these posts: "Something is About to Change," "A Hard Goodbye," and "Expectant Hello?"
Crazy to think that it's been an entire year since we moved our family to join a new family at Bayou City Fellowship.
Chris and I laugh still each week as we pull out of the parking lot on Sundays when we think about how ridiculous we were to fight the move. Let's be honest, how ridiculous I was to fight the move because my wise and unemotional hubby knew long before I did.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
So to look back now, with clear vision, it makes me grin from ear to ear knowing we really did what was best for our family.
It is always scary to walk away from something you know and something that is comfortable, a home of sorts. It is scary to walk towards something not knowing your place or what exactly it will look like. It's scary because it requires total faith in God (a hard thing for this control freak).
Where we were before wasn't a bad place. But we allowed ourselves to get too comfy on that old, worn in sofa, so to speak. That when we were asked to get up, it was impossible. All I wanted to do was pull that blanket in tighter and watch just one more show. Have just one more conversation. Finish my cup of coffee of was sipping.
I didn't want to get up just yet. I was secure. I was comfortable. I was content. I was known. And, I was busy (which this doer loves very much). What I feared was getting up without knowing where we were going, who would be there and what we would do.
But we knew it was the best move for our family, so we went.
And it was this weird mix of giddy first date butterflies and awkward silence for a few months.
We knew a few people, but not a lot. We were so used to being at church all day Sundays, small groups, Wed nights, Bible studies during the week, playgroup, girls nights, guys nights, etc. We almost didn't know what to do with ourselves. Ok, let's be honest again. I didn't know what to do. Chris, being a true introvert, loved our less busy lives.
We hadn't realized how we (not our church) had let church become that social club we always said we didn't want church to be. We were up there and around those same people all the time. And in so many ways this was good. And in so many ways this wasn't healthy.
And it was time for things to shift. It was needed. We wanted more out our life.
And now, a full year later, I look back on the past year and can't help but to smile and want to sob tears of joy. For so many reasons, that I will share with words that couldn't possibly give justice to the reality and in no particular order:
*Thankful the church is about Jesus. This may sound really stupid or overspiritual. And I can remember the first time I asked a friend at BCF what BCF was about and she said, "It's about Jesus." And I gave her that look that says, "Come on. No really. Don't give me a spiritual answer. What's it about?" And we laugh about it now, because it really is the best answer. It's not about numbers or lights or big names or this board or that leader or this theological stance or that _____. Everything comes back to Jesus. Does this honor Him? Does this bring Him glory? Does this cause us to connect with him? Does He want us to do this?
*Thankful for a pastor, Curtis Jones, who leads with such humility, preaches with such passion, shares so vulnerably, relates to all so naturally, and is approachable. I have never heard anyone preach with such conviction, truth and authenticity. I can't take notes fast enough. Some days I don't even try and just soak it in. And every single Sunday Chris and I are challenged to do something.
*Thankful to be a part of something unique. I love that BCF really isn't trying to be like anyone else. In fact, it appears that nothing is done just to do it. Everything is questioned. If it doesn't make sense, we don't do it just to do it. If it seems like it would be beneficial, it's done, even if it is a risk. The best example was this past Sunday when our pastor preached on money and he had the audacity to give people permission to not give if it was given out of obligation and not faith. He said he'd rather our church have a small pot that is full of faith of what God can do, than a big pot that is out of obligation. And he preached the sermon on money after he switched things up and did the offering at the beginning of the service so there would be no pressure to give that Sunday.
*Thankful for the people. This part makes me want to sob. Like ugly cry sob. Because really it's one of the most unique things about BCF. I feel like each person I meet, I want to be their BFF (if I was still looking for a BFF at 31). The people are warm, kind and welcoming. They want to know more about you than where you got your dress from (although this question is still asked). When you ask, "How are you?" you can expect an honest answer. Connecting with Jesus, living for Him, serving our city and living with such purpose is a core value of everyone that attends BCF. It's not a place you can sit and be comfortable. And that creates an authentic community among the people. We really are a family.
*Thankful for worship (the musical part of the service). What gets me most is the heart of this time. There is nothing performance about it. It is a raw time of creative expression as a community. It is one of my favorite moments of my week. There are all different styles in the room and on the stage. But one very clear purpose: we aren't here to sound pretty, we are hear to singing praises to God. We are challenged to go for it in our spirits. And it's more than just songs. It's not unusual to read the Word out loud as a group. It's not unusual for Micah, our worship pastor, to say, "What is God asking you to lay down to connect with Him?" And then he allows there to be a long awkward silence that forces you to answer. Worship is open to however we can worship God.
*Thankful for community groups. Instead of the traditional model of Sunday School we meet in homes during the week. It's broken up by what area and time is best for you. So instead of our primary community being people that are exactly like us, we have a community that looks like, well, a community: singles, young married without kids, young married with kids, older married with older kids, older married with kids gone, divorced, widowed,... you name it. What is so pure about this is our common thread is no longer our life stage, but our life purpose. We all have Jesus in common. It is amazing to have discussion where the framework you are working from is how can I grow as a believer. Not how can I grow as a believer who is married/single/older/etc. This has definitely made it harder to connect with people at the same stage in life as us, but not at all impossible. And half of the time is spent having a meal together. There is a real opportunity to connect... and enjoy some yummy food!
*Thankful for an amazing women's ministry. For anyone that knew me before BCF, you know this was the hardest thing to walk away from at our old church. Women's ministry is a great passion of mine. So not knowing how that would play out in a church that isn't programs based and has some amazing leaders in women's ministry already there, left me apprehensive (my insecurity, not saying it was healthy, just being honest). But that was part of where God was calling me in to step out in faith. Crista, the women's minister, has become one of my favorite people. She has allowed me to come right along side her to learn, to work, to pray, to lead, to teach, to talk and to laugh... a lot. Her authenticity and unapologetic pursuit of Christ has laid an amazing foundation for the women at our church.
*Thankful for the insanely amazing BCF Littles ministry. I leave our girls without hesitation on Sundays. I know that they are not only loved to the max but they are taught intentional truth. I've known Cassi, the children's pastor, for many years and there is no one else I'd rather have leading our kids.
*Thankful for how intent our church is to do something that will make a difference in Jesus name. From bringing awareness to and fighting against human trafficking. To sharing and challenging about orphan care. To really reaching out to our immediate community behind a donation of time and things here and there, but really investing. It has inspired us as a family to be bold in what we do and how we connect.
*Thankful for the strong and genuine emphasis on prayer. It's not just something that we do because we should as Christians and it's what you do at church. Prayer is foundational and continual. Chris and I have been challenged so much to pray with such belief. And it's one place that we've found we love serving together too. They have many come to the front at the end of each service to pray for anyone about anything. It has been such an honor get to love our church family by praying for and with them.
*And, last but not least, thankful for the coffee... still. For some reason the last time I shared about BCF and what we loved about it I talked about the coffee and many of you found that funny. I'm proud to say that my church still serves awesome, doesn't-taste-like-church-coffee-at-all coffee. And once a month Chris and I get to serve on the coffee team and help make and serve it and greet all the other caffeine junkies.
So this was officially the world's longest post. Clearly only a few are left reading. More than anything this was a record for our family, but for those who stayed I am thankful you heard this too.
The main lesson I took away from this journey to BCF is:
When you feel the Lord urging you to do something outside of your comfort zone, go for it!
Don't wait. Don't waste any time. Say yes.
It will be so worth it. In ways you would never be able to imagine.
And for anyone who is in Houston and looking for a church home or just curious about trying church, you are more than welcome to join us any time! We attend the 5pm service and you are more than welcome to sit with us. Just shoot me an email and we will save you a seat.
And, because I'm an insecure person and want to make sure nothing is taking out of intent, everything I said is about my church and what is happening there. NONE of it is a slant to other churches I've been to or heard about. We are all in this together. This isn't a competition of this place is better. I'm just sharing what I love about my church.
If you missed the journey in us moving to BCF, check out these posts: "Something is About to Change," "A Hard Goodbye," and "Expectant Hello?"
April 21, 2013
Happy 3 Month Birthday Moriah!
I thought things flew by with Karis, but I tell you what when you already have another kid you are chasing after, you have to work really hard to notice the details and make the moments with each kid. There are so many times I forget what I "should be doing" to help her developmentally. I'll see someone else doing something with their baby (who is usually younger than M) and think, "Oh I guess we can do that now too!" Grin.
We sure do love our sweet girl. And she makes it easy to love her.
Moriah Pearl Kiser. Riah (r-eye-uh). Mo. Sissy. Sissy Monkey. Monk. Monkeroo. Little Pud. Bigaboo. Chubawub. Chub. Just a few of the things we call her.
Stats: Don't have any stats this month. But expecting a spike in weight as this girl is putting on some rolls! Love them so very much.
Development: She is cooing all the time, and especially when we talk to her. She will roll from side to side when placed on back (which we have to get better at playing more on her back). And, last but not least, she giggled for the first time! Drooling so much these days (not sure if teething early like big sis did or just that age).
Eating: This has been a really hard month, one I didn't see coming at all. Nursing had been going SO well. Until I had my episode. The same thing happened with Karis too. Apparently I am super sensitive to any hiccup in breastfeeding. I drove myself near crazy last time. And I promised myself that I would try to hard to breastfeed, but I wouldn't go crazy this time. I ignored myself though. I did what I started pumping 3 extra time a day, taking mothers milk tea & fenugreek supplements, and chugging water like crazy. Finally my sweet accountability group challenged me to really consider what was best. They reminded me of what I had said before, that I wouldn't do this. So this month was all about letting my milk supply dry up, I embraced the inevitable. And I have to say it was harder and easier than last time. Easier because I know this time that Moriah is going to be fine. I worked through that when this happened with Karis. I know that formula isn't satan's poison and ultimately I trust God with her life and health. But it's been harder because of how natural BFing was this time. It wasn't AT ALL with Karis so I have really thought I might be able to actually BF Moriah the whole year. The good news is she is taking formula fine! And I'm still able to give her some breast milk each day that I had stored up.
Sleeping: This is an area I'm having to really fight not to compare her to Karis (world's best sleeper) and also loosen up expectations since she has reflux. She will go about 9 hours from feed to feed (so 8 hours of sleep). We had to cry it out for a couple of nights but with reflux you can't cry for more than 30 minutes... thankfully you stopped both nights at 28 minutes.
Favorite Things: Being on a billboard! Smiling (seriously the world's most smiley baby). Road trip to see Uncle Nils, Aunt Katie, Emery & Shelby. The nursery at church (those ladies love on you so well and you have lots of friends in there too). Family walks when Daddy gets home. Kuku (Chris' dad) and CoCo (Chris' little bro) coming for a visit. Laying on a blanket in the backyard. Sucking on your hands and fingers.
Dislikes: Mommy losing her milk. Crying it out.
Because so many ask, here is a pic of Karis at 3 months:
You can check out Karis' 3 month post here.
We sure do love our sweet girl. And she makes it easy to love her.
For you who just like pictures:
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| One of my fave Moriah poses-- ready to fight! She's got her sissy's back! |
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| Chub-a-wub. We are loving these rolls! |
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| World's most smiley baby. |
And for you who like words too:
Stats: Don't have any stats this month. But expecting a spike in weight as this girl is putting on some rolls! Love them so very much.
Development: She is cooing all the time, and especially when we talk to her. She will roll from side to side when placed on back (which we have to get better at playing more on her back). And, last but not least, she giggled for the first time! Drooling so much these days (not sure if teething early like big sis did or just that age).
Eating: This has been a really hard month, one I didn't see coming at all. Nursing had been going SO well. Until I had my episode. The same thing happened with Karis too. Apparently I am super sensitive to any hiccup in breastfeeding. I drove myself near crazy last time. And I promised myself that I would try to hard to breastfeed, but I wouldn't go crazy this time. I ignored myself though. I did what I started pumping 3 extra time a day, taking mothers milk tea & fenugreek supplements, and chugging water like crazy. Finally my sweet accountability group challenged me to really consider what was best. They reminded me of what I had said before, that I wouldn't do this. So this month was all about letting my milk supply dry up, I embraced the inevitable. And I have to say it was harder and easier than last time. Easier because I know this time that Moriah is going to be fine. I worked through that when this happened with Karis. I know that formula isn't satan's poison and ultimately I trust God with her life and health. But it's been harder because of how natural BFing was this time. It wasn't AT ALL with Karis so I have really thought I might be able to actually BF Moriah the whole year. The good news is she is taking formula fine! And I'm still able to give her some breast milk each day that I had stored up.
Sleeping: This is an area I'm having to really fight not to compare her to Karis (world's best sleeper) and also loosen up expectations since she has reflux. She will go about 9 hours from feed to feed (so 8 hours of sleep). We had to cry it out for a couple of nights but with reflux you can't cry for more than 30 minutes... thankfully you stopped both nights at 28 minutes.
Favorite Things: Being on a billboard! Smiling (seriously the world's most smiley baby). Road trip to see Uncle Nils, Aunt Katie, Emery & Shelby. The nursery at church (those ladies love on you so well and you have lots of friends in there too). Family walks when Daddy gets home. Kuku (Chris' dad) and CoCo (Chris' little bro) coming for a visit. Laying on a blanket in the backyard. Sucking on your hands and fingers.
Dislikes: Mommy losing her milk. Crying it out.
Because so many ask, here is a pic of Karis at 3 months:
You can check out Karis' 3 month post here.
April 9, 2013
If we start somewhere, slavery can end
It's appropriate that I'm posting this blog a day later than I intended--
an example that something is better than nothing. Now is better than never...
In all honesty I haven't thought much of slavery since US History in high school and the end of the Civil War chapter (that I'm sure I studied very thoroughly being such a responsible student).
Anyway, to learn almost a year ago that there are 27 million slaves in the world STILL shook me. Let's just look at how many zeroes that is: 27,000,000.
Just over 2 million people live in Houston. So imagine Houston times 13, every person is a slave and that is how many slaves there are world wide. As you sit in traffic on 610 that sea of cars represents just a sliver of those trapped in slavery. As you look at the packed out Minute Maid Park... oh wait, no that analogy doesn't work. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)
I learned the stat of 27 million slaves a year ago. I even watched an amazing documentary that showed you very raw footage of women stuck in brothels. If I were totally honest, I had never once really considered that those involved in prostitution had ever been coerced into it. I had judged. Judged that they did it for money or drugs or attention. Never once had I considered that they hadn't a choice. Or that the deception of the industry was so intoxicating. I was wrong. They were slaves too. And instead of helping, I sat back, like the Pharisees of the Bible, and judged.
I saw their faces and heard their stories a year ago. And I've done nothing since.
Every so often I've ask myself, "Why? Why are you still doing nothing?"
One of the answer is that I was intimidated by all those zeroes. So I kept right on in the busyness of my life. Still doing good elsewhere and getting things done that had to be done. But ignoring the 27 million that are too silenced by their oppressors to be able to ask for help.
What could I possibly do to make a dent in a number like 27 million when I can't even get simple tasks done like clean the toilets and meal plan? So I did nothing.
This past Sunday our church, that we are just crazy for and you are invited to come any time with us, Bayou City Fellowship (BCF) challenged us to do something. Our pastor, Curtis Jones, said something that I quickly wrote down: "Let's make a dent this year... a measurable decrease." They gave us some tips and I want to share them with you. Some times we just need a starting place. As we do something our purpose and vision will grow from there. Here are the tips shared by BCF:
+Join the movement at enditmovement.com. Great resource to educate yourself!
+See where slavery happens by taking a van tour. Houstonians contact Elijah Rising or BCF for details.
+Discover your slavery footprint at slaveryfootprint.org.
+Write your elected officials. To contact your senator, click here. To contact your representative, click here. This is easy and can be as simple and short as, "Dear ____, there are 27 million slaves in the world. I just want you to know that I care about this issue and thought you should too. Please use your vote and voice to end slavery." Feel free to add more. But we need them to know this issue is important and we need their help to end slavery.
+Look for signs of slavery in your city. Go to polarisproject.org.
+Pray. Sometimes we think this isn't enough because it's not really doing something. The only One that can redeem the mess we've made of this earth is the Creator. Call out to him on behalf of the 27 million.
Before I close this post out, I have to say that starting some of these things has been so sweet for me. And it's been sweeter to get to share this movement with my girls today. I've been so filled with tears today because of a few more facts:
Of the 27 million stuck in slavery, 50% are children.
Of the 27 million stuck in slavery, 80% are female.
Of the 27 million stuck in slavery, 1/3 come through Houston, TX (my hometown).
So when I look into those blue eyes of my girls today I can't help but to want to sob and hold them as close as I can. Because it could be them. And there are girls JUST LIKE THEM that don't have me and Chris fighting for their protection and pouring love all over them daily.
It finally struck a chord for me today. They need us. They need us to do whatever we can. It may not seem like much at the beginning. But slowly, we can and will make a difference.
Karis has just one question for you:
Are you in it? What can you do right now? Don't wait. Do it.
April 8, 2013
What to say & do for young moms
I am still stunned by the incredible response to the last post, “What NOT to say to young moms.” Within 24 hours of it being up more than 7,000 people had read that post. Clearly it was something us young moms wanted to be said and something others were willing to hear. Grateful.
...really I could go on and on. But I’d love to hear from you too!
As a quick side-note before I get started on the list of things to say and do for young moms, I wanted to say one quick thing in response to something my hubby said about the tone of the blog. On his way home the day I put that post up he said, “So it’s been a rough day, huh?” Tone and intent can be a hard thing to read. Some times being direct can come across rude. And sarcasm can be completely misinterpreted. So I want to be clear about my intended attitude: I was not ranting. I was not venting. I was not even bitter or angry. I really wasn’t. I might have been any or all of those emotions when those things happened. But I wasn’t when I wrote the post (that was important to me). And I know for most all of you out there that read it and re-shared it to your friends, you feel the same way. You get it.
So this part needs to be heard above any item on the list:
We know you, those that were meaning to be helpful, truly mean well. We really do. We know you want to relate and that’s why you share. We know you know you’ve been there and done that and we really do want to learn from you. And we know that you have that same Mama gene that all women, with and without kids, have: we want to help. Sometimes our help isn’t helpful.
But more times than not, your help really is even more helpful than you realize.
So here is another list...
A list of some of the things I’ve personally experience or heard of others experiencing that has blessed us in more ways that the giver could imagine.
Tell us what good moms we are. Tell us often. Tell us specifically. This one is the biggest of all of them. We struggle with mama guilt and insecurity in the worst way. Help us to see what we are doing well.
Put together a group of people to bring us meals when that baby comes. Gather the list before the baby comes. And encourage those people to go above and beyond when they drop off a meal. Examples: add in some breakfast items, healthy snacks, toilet paper, bring all disposable items (disposable casserole dish, paper plates, etc.).
Come over to hold the baby and play with the bigs so Mama can get a hot shower, fix her hair pretty and, maybe even, get out of the house for a bit.
Encourage us to let ourselves off the hook of having a spotless house. Tell us often that a messy house (or, as I like to say, a “lived in house”) is a sign of happy kids and a Mom who is playing with her kids.
Pay for a maid to come clean our house. I have one friend whose mother-in-law pays for a maid the last trimester of the pregnancy and also the first 3 months after baby is born. If you are strapped for cash and you are close enough to the mom, go and clean their house for them. (Some may feel uncomfortable with this.)
When you give us a gift (and thank you so much for your generosity) tell us right then and there, no thank you cards allowed. We know it only takes a minute, and know we’ve thought about it 1,000 times, but it isn’t (and shouldn’t be) at the top of our list.
Celebrate every milestone our kids make and point out the ones we miss. So often we worry about what our kids aren’t doing that we miss what they are doing. Help us to see what they are doing and help us to see how we helped get them there.
When we are worried about our kid being behind (whether it is rational or irrational), tell us we aren’t crazy and our kid really will be fine. My mom’s favorite thing to tell me is, “Becky, she will have ______ down by the time she goes to kindergarten.”
Come babysit or pay for a babysitter so Mom & Dad can have a date night! Even if it’s just a quick dinner, we need time alone with our men!
Adore away! Please ooh and ahh over our little ones. It never once gets old.
When you come to visit the new baby, pay attention to the older sibling first. And even bring them a big sibling treat (the dollar aisle is a great place to find something fun and cheap).
Leave us Starbucks on our porch. Find out what our favorite drink is, go pick and up and leave it on the porch. Then text or call that it’s out there. Or come on in, we'd love some grown up talk time!
If we are sharing what a bad day we’ve had on Facebook, text us and say you are having pizza delivered to our house. Give us no option about it.
Help us feel included in the things we miss. If it’s a party, bring us a left over slice of cake. If it’s church, bring us the notes. If it’s a hangout, text a pic and say we were missed.
Text often. When you feel holed away there is nothing like contact from the outside world (wink). Check in with the young Mamas that are having to stay home with a newborn.
Help us give ourselves grace-- tell us as often as you can, “Don’t worry about it! Give yourself some grace!” We are hardest on ourselves. We see our failures bigger and brighter than others possible could. Help us to let go of that.
Encourage us to get out of the house and get active. Instead of meeting for lunch, suggest we meet at a park and go for a walk. We want so bad to get active but just aren’t sure how that fits into our new schedule or where and how to begin.
Text us verses and quotes of encouragement. Or anything funny. Laughter is so good for the soul and sleep deprived.
Give Mom a chance to have some alone time with the older siblings. Offer for them to drop the younger ones off or come watch them. It’s so important for that mom to still feel like they are connecting with the ones that had all their attention before baby came.
Tell us we look beautiful. When we make that face because we can feel that pizza dough roll around our midsections squeezed into our pants, tell us again. Compliment something specific. If we still make that face or say something about how sick we are of feeling fat, tell us again that we are beautiful, and remind us that it takes time for the baby weight to go away, it our battle wounds.
When you come to see us, especially in those early weeks, don’t look amazing. Come dressed in sweats without your hair perfect and make up done. It’s fine if you do come dressed up (we know you have other things to do that day). But if you have the choice, don’t get dressed up. We already feel embarrassed that we haven't showered in 3 days and we just can’t think rationally yet that it’s OK and we don’t need to be jealous.
Give us permission to call or text at any time to just share the hard moments. Tell us there will never be judgement when we share or advice unless asked for.
When we do ask for advice, please be honest. We really do want your help. We really are just guessing at most of this. We are doing the best we can. But we do want and need your help!
Listen to our boundaries and what we say about our kids. We know them better than anyone else. We may not be doing it right or you may think it could be done different/better. But this is what we’ve decided for our kids. Please respect that. Honor what we’ve decided to do in raising our kids.
When you see us disciplining in public, feel free to smile at us and say, “Good job Mama! You are loving your kids well!”
When you see us a restaurant and our kids are crazy but you can tell we are doing the best we can, and if you have some wiggle room in your bank account, ask the waiter for our bill and pay it anonymously and tell them to simply say, “Tell that family they are doing a great job loving their kids.”
If we are struggling with breastfeeding, ask how you can help. Remind us how hard it is and that it isn’t as natural as others make it out to be. Offer to contact a lactation consultant (Le Leche League offers free support). Bring us Fenugreek supplements, mother’s milk tea and a new water bottle.
If we have to or choose to stop breastfeeding for whatever reason, tell us our baby will be ok. Remind us of all the perfectly healthy and genius kids that have been formula fed.
...really I could go on and on. But I’d love to hear from you too!
So please comment here with what things you’ve appreciated most as a young mom or would’ve appreciated had they been done. Or if you aren’t a young mom, things you’ve heard others do.
Also, please share this post, as so many of you did with the what not to say post. More than we want to vent about the negative we want to encourage the positive! For you Pinterest-ers, here is the image you can pin to link back to this post:
If you missed the first post, check it out here: "What NOT to say to young moms"
April 5, 2013
Help me make my list of 32 things
I've seen several friends make a list of 30 things to do before they turn 30. Very clever to make the most of your 20s before you hit the dreaded 30s (kidding, the 30s are WAY better than the 20s).
Anyway, I never did that. And I always wished I had.
And I love lists. And I love crossing things off lists.
And I love setting goals.
And I love a good challenge.
And I love working under pressure/deadlines.
So I thought, since my birthday is next week (April 14) that it would be fun to make a list of 32 things I can do before I turn 32 (which isn't till NEXT year, 2014).
I would love to hear your ideas!.
I'll share the final list with y'all on my birthday.
So please comment here, on Facebook, or on Twitter.
Anyway, I never did that. And I always wished I had.
And I love lists. And I love crossing things off lists.
And I love setting goals.
And I love a good challenge.
And I love working under pressure/deadlines.
So I thought, since my birthday is next week (April 14) that it would be fun to make a list of 32 things I can do before I turn 32 (which isn't till NEXT year, 2014).
I would love to hear your ideas!.
I'll share the final list with y'all on my birthday.
So please comment here, on Facebook, or on Twitter.
April 2, 2013
What NOT to say to young moms
This post might come across a bit harsh, and know that truly isn't my heart at all. Because I know you mean well. But I have to be honest and speak up on behalf of young moms.
Or when you ask why we lay our baby on her back or let her cry it out or don't give her juice or anything that was different than you, don't say, "Well I must have been a horrible mom because I did/didn't do that." Because you were just like me, you were doing the best you could with what you knew. When my kids are big they will do it different than me. Me doing it different isn't a slant against you.
And when I'm in line at the grocery store and my baby, who is strapped to me, is crying and my toddler is throwing a tantrum, that look of judgement, yeah it doesn't make my kids stop crying, it just makes me cry when I get to the car. Now we are all 3 crying.
Or when I'm sitting in the booth next to yours and my kid throws her chicken nuggets on the floor, please don't huff and puff and say just loud enough, "I don't know why kids are allowed in restaurants." And then proceed to have an "educated" conversation around your table about how kids just aren't disciplined these days. Because my kid has been in time out 10 times today and had 3 spankings. We are completely out of groceries and I'm completely out of patience and this Mama needed a real meal out.
Or for the more compassionate one, when I put my kid in timeout in the middle of Target, please don't pass us by and say, "Poor thing. Bless her little heart" and give my child a smile that says, "your mommy sure is a mean one." Because that "poor thing" was just throwing the biggest tantrum of her life and told me no for the 50th time that day. I'm doing the best I can with this discipline thing and doing it in public is so hard.
And, in case you are curious, yes every single one of these things have happened to me over the past 3 years. Some stories have been slightly altered to protect the one being "helpful." Wink.
Check out the follow up post: "What to say & do for young moms"
Because I know you really do want to be helpful with what you say and do.
Update: I've been so overwhelmed, humbled and grateful that so many of you have connected to this post. Thank you for how you've shared this with your network. I nearly fell over when I saw how many have viewed this blog in the past day. Clearly it is a message young moms want to share and others were ready to hear. If you want to help spread it on Pinterest, here is an image. Or follow me and you can re-share my post.
Can you please stop it with your unsolicited advice?
Oh and also all the horror stories, they aren't helpful.
Because when I announced I was pregnant at 8 weeks to celebrate and have others praying, I don't want to hear about how your sister miscarried just before her 12 week appointment. I'm sorry that happened, I really am. But I'm trying so hard to trust God's plan with this little life growing in me.
Or when I'm still puking my guts out at 20 weeks pregnant, I don't want to hear about your daughter who was still puking on the way to the hospital to have her baby. In fact just hearing the word puke made me gag for the 20th time today.
And when I'm 38 weeks and even my maternity clothes are struggling to fit, I don't want to be asked for the 10,000th time if I'm having twins? Or even better when I say no, you confidently ask if it's triplets. Seriously?
And after we've brought that baby home and you send me a gift and then email me a week later to see if I got it because you didn't get the thank you card, well just don't send the gift. Because I have 387 emails left unchecked, my voicemail box is full and I don't even know where to buy stamps. That blurry pic I posted on Facebook, that was your thank you.
Or how every time I walk up to you, you smile at the baby cuddled up in my arms and look me over from head to toe to see how I'm doing losing my baby weight. I see your eyes, and trust me, I know I still have a long way to go to get back to pre-baby body. I'm not a celebrity. I plan on doing this the healthy way: 9 months on, at least 9 months till its off (but let's be honest, I will never be the same again).
And when my baby is fussy, please don't ask if she is colic or has gas or has an upset stomach or has a fever. She is a baby. She is supposed to cry.
Or when I'm still puking my guts out at 20 weeks pregnant, I don't want to hear about your daughter who was still puking on the way to the hospital to have her baby. In fact just hearing the word puke made me gag for the 20th time today.
And when I'm 38 weeks and even my maternity clothes are struggling to fit, I don't want to be asked for the 10,000th time if I'm having twins? Or even better when I say no, you confidently ask if it's triplets. Seriously?
And after we've brought that baby home and you send me a gift and then email me a week later to see if I got it because you didn't get the thank you card, well just don't send the gift. Because I have 387 emails left unchecked, my voicemail box is full and I don't even know where to buy stamps. That blurry pic I posted on Facebook, that was your thank you.
Or how every time I walk up to you, you smile at the baby cuddled up in my arms and look me over from head to toe to see how I'm doing losing my baby weight. I see your eyes, and trust me, I know I still have a long way to go to get back to pre-baby body. I'm not a celebrity. I plan on doing this the healthy way: 9 months on, at least 9 months till its off (but let's be honest, I will never be the same again).
And when my baby is fussy, please don't ask if she is colic or has gas or has an upset stomach or has a fever. She is a baby. She is supposed to cry.
Or when you ask, "How are you doing?" And I choose not to say, "Great! We are so smitten!" with a forced giant smile. And instead choose to be honest and say, "We sure do love her but I am so exhausted and I feel like I smell like poop and spit up." Please, seriously please, don't tell me, "It will pass before you know it." Because I know it will pass. That's why I feel so guilty for even feeling frustrated by this short season. I know you feel like you've blinked and your kids are all grown up and you long for the days of diaper changes and toys all over the place. But I'm in the middle of it and so tired and in this moment when I could burst into tears my eyes burn so bad from exhaustion, that reminder isn't helpful.
And when you hear that I stopped breastfeeding because it was hard or I thought I had milk supply issues, please don't tell me how breastfeeding is best and my kid will now be sick, unhappy and stupid (or something like that) and then send me articles about the benefits of breastfeeding and a lactation consultants info. Because I know breastfeeding is best. And I nearly drove myself and my whole family crazy trying to continue nursing.
Oh and when you ask how my baby is sleeping and I tell you that she is doing pretty good. Please don't tell me about your kid who didn't sleep through the night for a year.Because that probably won't be my kid. And if my kid does become like yours, I will need hope that it isn't going to last that long. I'm sorry that first year was so rough for you. But I don't want to feel guilty about my baby sleeping, at least not until I can stop feeling guilty that I haven't showered in a few days.
Or when you ask how old my baby is and I tell you she is 3 months old and you get a real sad look on your face and feel compelled to tell me, "My neighbors daughter just lost her baby at 3 months. She put her down one night and when she went in the next morning she wasn't breathing. Just like that." Because you know what? I was finally exiting the sleep deprived state since my baby was stretching out her sleep at night, and now all I can do is stare at the video monitor and watch her chest go up and down.
And when you ask me if my kid is smiling/laughing/rolling over/sitting up/saying words/crawling/(fill in whatever developmental milestone here), and I honestly (and bravely) confess, "no," please don't make that weird "oooohhhh" noise and give the look like my kid is behind and then say, "Oh well she will get there." Because I know she will get there eventually. And I've already googled this milestone and know we are a bit behind. But by the time she gets to kindergarten she will be as amazing as your kid/grandkid. And if she isn't, I'll still love her.And when you hear that I stopped breastfeeding because it was hard or I thought I had milk supply issues, please don't tell me how breastfeeding is best and my kid will now be sick, unhappy and stupid (or something like that) and then send me articles about the benefits of breastfeeding and a lactation consultants info. Because I know breastfeeding is best. And I nearly drove myself and my whole family crazy trying to continue nursing.
Oh and when you ask how my baby is sleeping and I tell you that she is doing pretty good. Please don't tell me about your kid who didn't sleep through the night for a year.Because that probably won't be my kid. And if my kid does become like yours, I will need hope that it isn't going to last that long. I'm sorry that first year was so rough for you. But I don't want to feel guilty about my baby sleeping, at least not until I can stop feeling guilty that I haven't showered in a few days.
Or when you ask how old my baby is and I tell you she is 3 months old and you get a real sad look on your face and feel compelled to tell me, "My neighbors daughter just lost her baby at 3 months. She put her down one night and when she went in the next morning she wasn't breathing. Just like that." Because you know what? I was finally exiting the sleep deprived state since my baby was stretching out her sleep at night, and now all I can do is stare at the video monitor and watch her chest go up and down.
Or when you ask why we lay our baby on her back or let her cry it out or don't give her juice or anything that was different than you, don't say, "Well I must have been a horrible mom because I did/didn't do that." Because you were just like me, you were doing the best you could with what you knew. When my kids are big they will do it different than me. Me doing it different isn't a slant against you.
And when I'm in line at the grocery store and my baby, who is strapped to me, is crying and my toddler is throwing a tantrum, that look of judgement, yeah it doesn't make my kids stop crying, it just makes me cry when I get to the car. Now we are all 3 crying.
Or when I'm sitting in the booth next to yours and my kid throws her chicken nuggets on the floor, please don't huff and puff and say just loud enough, "I don't know why kids are allowed in restaurants." And then proceed to have an "educated" conversation around your table about how kids just aren't disciplined these days. Because my kid has been in time out 10 times today and had 3 spankings. We are completely out of groceries and I'm completely out of patience and this Mama needed a real meal out.
Or for the more compassionate one, when I put my kid in timeout in the middle of Target, please don't pass us by and say, "Poor thing. Bless her little heart" and give my child a smile that says, "your mommy sure is a mean one." Because that "poor thing" was just throwing the biggest tantrum of her life and told me no for the 50th time that day. I'm doing the best I can with this discipline thing and doing it in public is so hard.
Again, I don't mean to be rude. But I just felt like this needed to be said. I know you mean well, I really do believe that, but it's still not helpful. I'm not angry or even bitter, I just thought you'd like to know.
Because young moms are so exhausted.
And so insecure in what they are doing.
And feel like they are carrying pizza dough around their midsection and nothing seems to fit.
And their hormones are all over the place.
And they don't need to hear about what they aren't doing well.
Or hear how much worse you had it.
Because young moms are so exhausted.
And so insecure in what they are doing.
And feel like they are carrying pizza dough around their midsection and nothing seems to fit.
And their hormones are all over the place.
And they don't need to hear about what they aren't doing well.
Or hear how much worse you had it.
And, in case you are curious, yes every single one of these things have happened to me over the past 3 years. Some stories have been slightly altered to protect the one being "helpful." Wink.
Check out the follow up post: "What to say & do for young moms"
Because I know you really do want to be helpful with what you say and do.
Update: I've been so overwhelmed, humbled and grateful that so many of you have connected to this post. Thank you for how you've shared this with your network. I nearly fell over when I saw how many have viewed this blog in the past day. Clearly it is a message young moms want to share and others were ready to hear. If you want to help spread it on Pinterest, here is an image. Or follow me and you can re-share my post.
March 20, 2013
Does he want to come home?
My hubby went to a conference this week and one of the sessions was on having a work-life balance. He was shocked to hear how many men don’t have this… like at all.
And it made me wonder why?
Why are so many men physically and/or emotionally distant at home?
This is a REALLY loaded question. One that I couldn’t even begin to address in the 500 word limit.
But I am going to address one of the possible answers to that questions… even if I don’t like the answers:
Maybe one of the reasons they don’t want to come home is because of the home we’ve made.
to continue reading...
Check out the rest of this guest post I did for Sozo Women at http://sozowomen.com/2013/03/20/does-he-want-to-come-home/#
March 14, 2013
Moriah's Newborn Pictures
Check out our sweet girl's newborn pictures...
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| This pic was taken for my Mom. And was intended to make her laugh with joy and cry with sentiment, because well that's just not hard to do. Wink. This quilt was sown by my great-grandmother, Moriah's great-great-grandmother (who Karis' and I both share a middle name in honor of her, Jannette). And the gown Moriah is wearing is the gown that I wore home from the hospital and so did Karis. |
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| This is my Bible from college when I first read about Moriah in Genesis 22:2. It's the story of when God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son he had waited for. And then the Lord provided a ram in his place. When I read this, after all my health issues and being told back then that I'd struggle to have kids of my own, I knew if I had a baby girl I would name her Moriah, God has provided. |
Thank you so much Fish Lips Photography! We LOVE them!
March 12, 2013
Happy TWO Month Birthday Moriah!
I think we will just start the tradition of posting the monthly pics 2 weeks late. I'm personally celebrating that I'm posting them at all. The word for this go round of parenting is GRACE and realistic expectations. While documenting our girls lives is important, it's way lower than living life withe them. And showering. And cooking. And going to the grocery store. And laundry. Well you get the point. So I will not forget to blog about Moriah too... it just may not be on the very day she turns a certain age (like I did when I had SO much more time with just one baby).
Stats: Weight - 11lbs 4oz (50th percentile). Length - 23 1/4 inches (85th percentile). Head - 15 1/2 inches (84th percentile).
Development: Best part about this month-- she started smiling so much! She loves to dish out smiles! She has several different kinds too. My top two are: #1 when she curls up just one side of the smile and winks one eye. And, my personal favorite, #2 when she smiles so big her cheeks fill up and her eyes squish up and all you see is a sliver of sparkling blue. She still doesn't love Tummy Time for much longer than a few minutes. But she's doing a good job lifting her head. And she seems to be getting great neck control when we hold her up and put her in the bumbo.
Eating: So very thankful Moriah is such a good nurser. It was so hard with Karis that I am just amazed every day how well it's going. I always resented those moms who talked about how natural it is. I still don't feel that ooey-gooey feeling some moms talk about. But I do feel ooey-gooey about my girl regardless of nursing! She also started taking a bottle and took it really well!
Sleeping: She's doing pretty good. And maybe she could do better, but she's a second baby and I'm just not so strict with sleep training. She takes most of her naps in my arms or the swing. The lights are usually on and a toddler big sis is usually screaming around her. And she is still swaddled for most every time she sleeps because she sleeps better with it. She's doing a 6-8 hour stretch (from feed to feed) most every night (some nights less and some more). She loves the paci (and Mommy is beyond irritated by it) and when it falls out during naps she wakes up, so I have to pop it back in a lot. We've tried every paci on the market to see if it would stay in better. Hoping she finds her thumb this month...
Favorite Things: Getting rocked to sleep by Daddy. Middle of the night feeds with Mommy. Morning snuggles with sissy in her big girl bed. Going to church & playdates, we are finally out among the land of the living (OK, let's be honest, this is probably just Mommy's favorite). Prevacid and Malox. Bath time (you love it this month) and are completely humored by all that Karis does while y'all are bathing together.
Least Favorite Things: Reflux. Putting away all the cute newborn clothes (OK, this is probably just Mommy's least favorite thing as it could be the last time a little girl wears these clothes... and only confirms you are growing up just as fast as your sister did.). Shots, the actual shots didn't bother you but the days following the shots were rough.
For you who just like pictures...
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| Big girl in the big chair. |
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| These blue eyes kill me. They are so deep and so sparkly. |
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| Our VERY smiley and chill baby girl. |
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| OK, Mom, that's enough. Seriously. I'm done. |
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| JK. I'll give you one more. |
And for you all who like words...
Development: Best part about this month-- she started smiling so much! She loves to dish out smiles! She has several different kinds too. My top two are: #1 when she curls up just one side of the smile and winks one eye. And, my personal favorite, #2 when she smiles so big her cheeks fill up and her eyes squish up and all you see is a sliver of sparkling blue. She still doesn't love Tummy Time for much longer than a few minutes. But she's doing a good job lifting her head. And she seems to be getting great neck control when we hold her up and put her in the bumbo.
Eating: So very thankful Moriah is such a good nurser. It was so hard with Karis that I am just amazed every day how well it's going. I always resented those moms who talked about how natural it is. I still don't feel that ooey-gooey feeling some moms talk about. But I do feel ooey-gooey about my girl regardless of nursing! She also started taking a bottle and took it really well!
Sleeping: She's doing pretty good. And maybe she could do better, but she's a second baby and I'm just not so strict with sleep training. She takes most of her naps in my arms or the swing. The lights are usually on and a toddler big sis is usually screaming around her. And she is still swaddled for most every time she sleeps because she sleeps better with it. She's doing a 6-8 hour stretch (from feed to feed) most every night (some nights less and some more). She loves the paci (and Mommy is beyond irritated by it) and when it falls out during naps she wakes up, so I have to pop it back in a lot. We've tried every paci on the market to see if it would stay in better. Hoping she finds her thumb this month...
Favorite Things: Getting rocked to sleep by Daddy. Middle of the night feeds with Mommy. Morning snuggles with sissy in her big girl bed. Going to church & playdates, we are finally out among the land of the living (OK, let's be honest, this is probably just Mommy's favorite). Prevacid and Malox. Bath time (you love it this month) and are completely humored by all that Karis does while y'all are bathing together.
Least Favorite Things: Reflux. Putting away all the cute newborn clothes (OK, this is probably just Mommy's least favorite thing as it could be the last time a little girl wears these clothes... and only confirms you are growing up just as fast as your sister did.). Shots, the actual shots didn't bother you but the days following the shots were rough.
Previous monthly posts on Moriah: birth story, 1 month.
A very special thank you to my photo assistant, Miss Karis Jannette Kiser. Or as she says "KK Jan-it Kye-suh."
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| No joke, this was a natural shot and VERY accurate portrayal of my girls. Karis being a little miss sassy frass. And Moriah just enjoying her big sis and being my chill little monkey. |
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| She makes me melt 1 million times a day. |
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| Big sis wanted to pose in the chair again. |
One last pic...
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| A visual example of the days being LONG and the years short. This was Karis at 2 months... 2 years and 4 months ago. |
And, in case you are curious, here is Karis' 2 month post.
March 8, 2013
Thoughts of & from my Mother-in-Law
A few weeks ago my Mother-in-Law, Tammy Sparkman, sent me a devotional she was wrote for a women's Bible study in her hometown of Odessa. I asked her if it would be OK to share with all of y'all. And you would love her reaction-- willing but reluctant. Reluctant not because she was ashamed of the message but because she never assumes that what she has to offer is anything special. She just wants others to hear Jesus in her, not hear her.
So in honor of her birthday today (Happy Birthday Tammy!!!) I wanted to share her with you and let you get to hear her heart. And before I let you hear from her, I wanted to share a little bit about her.
When it comes to Mother-in-Laws I really hit the jackpot. I don't just say that publicly, I mean it truly. Tammy is one of the sweetest people you have ever met. She's the kind of person that you want to be best friends with (and she would gladly be your friend). She is the least pretentious person you could know. She has survived so much in her life yet you'd never know and she'd never complain about it. She is humble not out of insecurity but out of a knowledge of who God is and who she is. She is deeply in love with Jesus (you can find her regularly pouring over God's Word and praying fervently for those she knows). She never gives up on people (even if you've given up on her or God). She is the most generous person I know (truly sees all they have as a gift from God and wants to bless others with it with no expectation of a return).
Well those are just a few of the things I love about my Mother-in-Law. Now it's your turn to fall in love with her too as she shares about the greatest thing in her life...
Have you ever asked yourself these questions who am I? Why am I here or do I really have a purpose?
For several years I struggled with answering these questions. Trying to be what I thought I should be or even worse trying to be what my friends wanted me to be. Yet there was always an emptiness inside that was never satisfied. I just couldn’t measure up or after all the ‘fun’ I felt lonely and hopeless.
In my loneliness, guilt and shame I turned to people, music and yes even musicals!
In musicals I could put myself in “Cinderella’s shoes” and sing “in my own little corner in my own little chair - I can be whatever I want to. Crying and feeling sorry for myself still left me empty and lonely in my comer!
Then I would build myself up by Watching South Pacific and at the top of my lungs sing “I'm gonna Wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way.” I sent him on his way alright but I was hopeless. I could go on and on because I truly spent hours watching musicals and dreaming. You get the picture... nothing I did on my own satisfied these feelings. I had to get over myself!
I knew Jesus loved me but I didn’t know the extent of HIS love and I didn’t really know HIM. I don’t remember the exact moment or place but Proverbs spoke to my heart in such a way that it gave me peace that I can‘t explain.
As I began to meditate on this verse the Lord began to show me what life looks like through His eyes. He revealed to me in such a real way that HE IS THE GREAT I AM. I am called to follow Him no matter the circumstances. I'm not always going to understand but He promises to be with me.
In John 13 the word "knew" popped off the pages to me:
Jesus knew His time had come
Jesus knew the Father had put all things under His power
Jesus knew that He had come from God and was returning to God.
Jesus knew who was going to betray Him.
Jesus knew who He was. He knew His purpose.
He didn’t live to please people. He didn’t live by how he felt.
He lived to please His Father. Which lead to rejection by many and suffering on the cross so that you and I can have eternal life and freedom to live for Him if we know Him.
In times when I'm full of joy and hope I thank Jesus and sing praises to Him when life seems unbearable and I go through struggles. I don’t turn to musicals anymore. Yes I Watch them but with different eyes
Because I am in Christ and HE IS THE GREAT I AM...
Do you know who you are? Let Jesus be the Great I Am.
So in honor of her birthday today (Happy Birthday Tammy!!!) I wanted to share her with you and let you get to hear her heart. And before I let you hear from her, I wanted to share a little bit about her.
When it comes to Mother-in-Laws I really hit the jackpot. I don't just say that publicly, I mean it truly. Tammy is one of the sweetest people you have ever met. She's the kind of person that you want to be best friends with (and she would gladly be your friend). She is the least pretentious person you could know. She has survived so much in her life yet you'd never know and she'd never complain about it. She is humble not out of insecurity but out of a knowledge of who God is and who she is. She is deeply in love with Jesus (you can find her regularly pouring over God's Word and praying fervently for those she knows). She never gives up on people (even if you've given up on her or God). She is the most generous person I know (truly sees all they have as a gift from God and wants to bless others with it with no expectation of a return).
Well those are just a few of the things I love about my Mother-in-Law. Now it's your turn to fall in love with her too as she shares about the greatest thing in her life...
JESUS IS THE GREAT I AM
For several years I struggled with answering these questions. Trying to be what I thought I should be or even worse trying to be what my friends wanted me to be. Yet there was always an emptiness inside that was never satisfied. I just couldn’t measure up or after all the ‘fun’ I felt lonely and hopeless.
In my loneliness, guilt and shame I turned to people, music and yes even musicals!
In musicals I could put myself in “Cinderella’s shoes” and sing “in my own little corner in my own little chair - I can be whatever I want to. Crying and feeling sorry for myself still left me empty and lonely in my comer!
Then I would build myself up by Watching South Pacific and at the top of my lungs sing “I'm gonna Wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way.” I sent him on his way alright but I was hopeless. I could go on and on because I truly spent hours watching musicals and dreaming. You get the picture... nothing I did on my own satisfied these feelings. I had to get over myself!
I knew Jesus loved me but I didn’t know the extent of HIS love and I didn’t really know HIM. I don’t remember the exact moment or place but Proverbs spoke to my heart in such a way that it gave me peace that I can‘t explain.
"Trust in the Lord With all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your way acknowledge Him And He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
In John 13 the word "knew" popped off the pages to me:
Jesus knew His time had come
Jesus knew the Father had put all things under His power
Jesus knew that He had come from God and was returning to God.
Jesus knew who was going to betray Him.
Jesus knew who He was. He knew His purpose.
He didn’t live to please people. He didn’t live by how he felt.
He lived to please His Father. Which lead to rejection by many and suffering on the cross so that you and I can have eternal life and freedom to live for Him if we know Him.
In times when I'm full of joy and hope I thank Jesus and sing praises to Him when life seems unbearable and I go through struggles. I don’t turn to musicals anymore. Yes I Watch them but with different eyes
Because I am in Christ and HE IS THE GREAT I AM...
When I am weak, He IS STRONG
When I am hopeless, HE IS HOPE
When I am in turmoil, HE IS PEACE
When I am unloving, HE IS LOVE
When I am Selfish, HE IS GENEROUS
When I am unkind, HE IS KIND
When I am worried, HE IS TRUSTWORTHY
When I am afraid, HE IS PROTECTIVE
When I am in need, HE IS THE PROVIDER
When I am sick, HE IS THE GREAT PHYSICIAN
Whatever I am HE is always more than enough HE IS THE GREAT I AM.
Do you know who you are? Let Jesus be the Great I Am.
Let's call it what it is: Girl Porn
It started at such a young age when a (hear me) HEALTHY thing like make believe came into our lives. Already my 2 1/2 year old is obsessed with being a princess. Literally she wears a princess dress and heels every where we go. And there is nothing wrong with this. But it’s when we first became hooked to “happily ever after.”
But this fairytale fantasy continues into our teenage years as we enter into the world of chick flicks. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. Until our lives mimic or don’t mimic what we see on the big screen. And enters the worthlessness, shame, regret or loneliness. Because in comparison to our favorite characters our life will never measure up. So we escape into their lives, even if just for an hour hoping for things to change.
And as we get older our make believe becomes something we don’t broadcast like we did in our sparkly tiaras and movie nights with our BFFs. But we justify that it’s ok because, well at least we aren’t looking at playgirl or reading this book or seeing that movie. Plus, we don’t hang out in this trance forever. We are too busy for that.
... to continue reading, click on "Let's call it what it is: Girl Porn" to go to Sozo Women.
Also you come and like Sozo Women on Facebook.
March 7, 2013
Have you heard of Noonday?
No? Well let me introduce you to one of my favorite fair trade jewelry and accessory brands!
Their tagline is, "Noonday Collection uses fashion to create economic opportunity for the vulnerable." It's hand crafted accessories from women all over the world, providing jobs!
Check out the kinds of goodies they make...
And those are just a few of my favorites. They have everything. Necklaces, earrings, rings, bracelets, scarves, purses, hats, etc.
And I have the total honor of hosting a party for them tomorrow night. Don't log off yet... it's not one of those parties.
First, you have the option of trading in your hostess benefits for 10% of the parties proceeds to go towards an adoption. Um yes!!! So tomorrow night and whatever orders I can collect can not only go towards supporting an amazing business growth project for women internationally, but it also helps my friends, Jeremy and Erin Pitts, expand their family.
So if you are interested and willing, please check out the website and if you'd like to purchase something in the next 3 days, be sure to select Whitney Ray as your ambassador and put "Pitts Adoption Fundraiser" in the section that says "Ambassador Only-Trunk Show."
Here are the step by step instructions!
1. Go to www.whitneyray.
Their tagline is, "Noonday Collection uses fashion to create economic opportunity for the vulnerable." It's hand crafted accessories from women all over the world, providing jobs!
Check out the kinds of goodies they make...
And I have the total honor of hosting a party for them tomorrow night. Don't log off yet... it's not one of those parties.
First, you have the option of trading in your hostess benefits for 10% of the parties proceeds to go towards an adoption. Um yes!!! So tomorrow night and whatever orders I can collect can not only go towards supporting an amazing business growth project for women internationally, but it also helps my friends, Jeremy and Erin Pitts, expand their family.
So if you are interested and willing, please check out the website and if you'd like to purchase something in the next 3 days, be sure to select Whitney Ray as your ambassador and put "Pitts Adoption Fundraiser" in the section that says "Ambassador Only-Trunk Show."
Here are the step by step instructions!
1. Go to www.whitneyray.
2. Shop and add items to cart
3. On check out, pick WHITNEY RAY from the ambassador drop down tab
4. After filling in credit card info, manually type in Pitts Adoption Fundraiser into the section that says "Ambassador Only-Trunk Show"
Happy Shopping!
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